would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
