some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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