My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
