this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
