i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You took a bar mat shot.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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