TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
