You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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