shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love you. Go after that dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
