Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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