Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
