just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize