Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
