Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
