I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
