ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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