its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
