i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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