If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
