my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
