I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
