She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
