your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
