All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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