the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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