Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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