YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
