Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I deserve this hangover.
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