I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
