Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
