I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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