Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
