Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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