I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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