I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize