she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
