I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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