my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
