My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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