I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can I color on your dick again?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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