man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
