no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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