Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
