I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
