My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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