i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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