how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
These tits shall not be calmed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
