There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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