I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
