You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
