Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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