My hand turned me down
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
