The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize