dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
