i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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