I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
