guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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