my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Someone signed my nipple.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
