I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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