Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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