I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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