There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
