Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
