My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
