Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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