We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
