im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Be still, my beating vagina.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
