four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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