Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
