I hate your face
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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