the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
