Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
