Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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