Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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