You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
love makes seman taste better
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
