So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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